This article is from page 18 of the 2006-11-28 edition of The Clare People. OCR mistakes are to be expected so download the original SWF or the rendered page 18 JPG
IT took Norma more than 30 years to leave the man who beat her, tried to strangle her, threw dishes at her, blamed her for every disaster in his life and controlled all her finances while convincing the world that she was mad and he was a saint.
But she did it.
About eight years ago, when she found an escape route, Norma turned the key in the door, got into a taxi and travelled to Ennis to the bed and breakfast she had secretly booked.
For the next few weeks, nobody knew where she was, as she struggled to pull a life back together for herself.
The couple were married for two years when he first became violent towards Norma. “We were working abroad when we heard the family property was to go to another family member and not to him. He turned on me and blamed me.”
Other incidents which ended in blame for Norma included accidents which were of his own making. “It didn’t matter what happened – I was to blame.”
Norma endured beatings, threats, emotional and mental abuse. She lived in fear after he tried to strangle her. The beatings stopped when he was threatened by a family member, but the mental abuse got worse. She spent several years struggling with depression. Her health suffered and she had numerous operations.
During this time, Norma sought help from professionals. Some of these people didn’t believe her – one professional took her husband’s side when he had threatened to have her instituitionalised. Another threatened to have her children taken away from her. “He had everyone fooled,” she said.
Norma’s health and well-being deteriorated until, one day, an opportunity arose for Norma to finally leave her abuser. Norma is now living in her own home and works part-time.
“What I would say to women who are living in that situation is that you need to detach emotionally and try to stay positive.
“I kept going back, trying to fix things, but I was just letting myself in for more rough treatment. I finally realized that I had to start saving myself, rather than fix something that could never be. There is wonderful support available from Clare Haven Services and this, together with my deep faith, has sustained me through it all. I have now found peace and happiness.”