THE family of a young man killed in a road accident one year ago has urged other families facing similar heartbreak to continue to speak about their loss, to help them deal with the grief.
Brendan “Ram” Moloney was just 21 when he was killed in a single car accident just minutes from his home in Broadford, one year ago this weekend. Brendan was one of 399 people who lost their lives on the nation’s roads last year.
As his heartbroken close-knit family continued in their attempts to come to terms with the shocking death, Brendan’s sister Joanne told The Clare People that her life had changed dramatically, as a result of her brother’s untimely death.
Brendan, a trainee carpenter and a young man who was known by everyone as a fun-loving character, was on his way home from Limerick, at around teatime, on Saturday evening, May 28, when his journey, and life, was cut all too short.
He stopped off at a pub en route to meet some of his large circle of friends. But Brendan didn’t stay there for long. He continued on his journey home to his parents, Mary and Danny, and his older sisters, Joanne (26) and Carmel (25).
Minutes later, his green Honda Civic car hit a wall and he was killed instantly.
Joanne recalled the moment she heard the horrific news that every family dreads.
“One of Brendan’s best friends was on the scene within minutes. Ten minutes after the accident, Tommy rang me. I just knew he was dead. A lot of emotions were running wild. Mam went into shock,” she recalled.
Only hours earlier, Brendan — who was Mary and Danny Moloney’s youngest son — had bid them farewell, for what would be the last time.
“He said goodbye to Mam and Dad — ‘I love you mammy. I love you daddy’ — and went out the door. They were the last words he had with them. He left the house extremely content,” she said.
The Moloney family grew up working in the family pub, Danny’s bar in Broadford. Joanne said that her experiences dealing with people then, helped her to get through the past 12 months.
“You learn that whatever happens in life, you have to get on with it. You learn to grieve yourself, when you are on your own, or with true friends,” she said.
Her grieving, like every bereaved family member, was unique. Joanne held it together for 10 months, but the impact of her brother’s death took its toll in March when she suffered from exhaustion and was forced to take a month off her job as a personal trainer.
“For me, it didn’t come to a head until March. I am now taking one day at a time,” she said.
“It has changed me dramatically. I took life very seriously. It has made me realise you have to live life while you have it. It is short,” added Joanne.
“Brendan’s death made me realise that life is for the moment. He was everybody’s friend. He lived as if there was no tomorrow and it is important for young people his age to bear that in mind,” she said.
Joanne remembers her brother’s enthusiasm in everything he did. He was equally comfortable chatting with a man twice his age as he was with a child. He thoroughly enjoyed socialising and loved his motorbike and his car. Ironically, he was to lose his life doing something he adored — driving.
Joanne’s advice for other families facing devastating loss in incidents such as car crashes is to talk about the deceased.
“Continue to talk about the person. Don’t let the name go silent. Sometimes it is very hard to speak about them, but that is part of the grieving. Let the neighbours realise not to be afraid to say ‘hello’. For them to say ‘hello’, we know they are there for us. The main thing is to keep the name alive in the family. Don’t forget to speak about him and don’t forget to say ‘hello’. Don’t shy away from a family who has lost someone,” she advised.
“The community have been re markable. Everyone has got together and my friends have been amazing. When you lose someone so young, it is quite hard for any mother and father to live with the grief. They will never get over it,” said Joanne.
Joanne believes that once the first anniversary has been marked – with Brendan’s first anniversary mass on Friday – the realisation that her only brother is not coming home will kick in.
He had planned this year to sell his car and go travelling to Australia.
“Up to now, people have been calling around. After the first anniversary we will start to grieve, with the realisation that he is not gone to Australia for the year . . . he is not coming back,” she said.
“My heart goes out to everybody who has lost someone in a road accident. It totally brings you back to the minute it happened to them. People might say it happened because he was speeding or drinking, or that A, B or C happened. That was his time to go,” she said.
“I think when someone’s time is up, it is up. Maybe he had a few drinks, but when they did the autopsy, he had very little drink in him. It was a freak accident, but it was his time to go. He died due to haemorrhaging,” she said.
“In one sense we are lucky that no other family member was involved and that nobody else was injured because Brendan always had a full carload,” she added.
Local man Tom Fleming only became acquainted with Brendan in the weeks prior to his death, but felt like he knew him for years.
“He was unbelievable. I met him two Sundays prior to him getting killed. I met him in the Landscape Golf Club in Clonlara. I remember him pulling up a chair and we talked and talked and talked,” said Tom, who organised the Brendan Moloney Memorial pool competition at Danny’s bar earlier this month.
The competition, involving many East Clare pubs, is to become an annual event, and will run alongside a competition dedicated to Brendan’s friend Ted Danaher, who died in tragic circumstances in 2001.
Never one for formalities, Brendan insisted that Tom call him “Ram”.
“They don’t call me Brendan. Ram is my name,” he told Tom. “I would mind if you called me anything else,” he would say.
Although Tom just knew Brendan briefly, he has held those memories close to his heart.
“I am delighted to have known this man. He is known all over the place. He was a great young man, lucky to have the family he had,” reflected Tom.